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Archive for the ‘Life Coaching’ Category

“Suffering forces us to change.

We don’t like change and most of the time we fear it and fight it. We like to remain in emotionally familiar places even though sometimes those places are not healthy for us. On occasion, the suffering is so great that we have to give it up. We surrender the old and begin anew. Often it is the pain we experience that leads us, not to a different life, but a richer and more rewarding one.”

Dennis Wholey

I’m starting to think that I need to change the heading of these weekly posts to something other than Monday Motivation because I always seem to write something that doesn’t quite fit the motivational category.

Anyway, this week’s post is intended to help you write better and more achievable objectives.

Are your Objectives SMART?

Research tells us that clear objectives with effective ways to measure them means that objectives are easier to achieve. Different studies give different successful results, but all the evidence seems to point to

Specific objectives + ways to Measure them + can you Achieve them + are they Relevant + is there a Time frame= increased chance of successful attainment of objectives

The acronym SMART is a well known term and a term I come across constantly and I have found that the concept of making objectives SMART is deceptively simple. Whether you are preparing personal or business objectives, my advise to you would be to take enough time to work through the process of developing your objectives and applying SMART principles – don’t just throw stuff at it. Read the rest of this entry »

This might be more of a Monday Musing than a Monday Motivation, but I hope that by sharing my musing, it’ll motivate someone out there.

I was having tea with a friend this morning and we were talking about how, when you’re older, things suddenly come together – so why not when you’re younger? We decided it was down to listening and taking advice. How many times, as an older person, have you thought that you only wish you had listened to advice given you when you were young or just did what your parents suggested (told you). Yes, there are people out there that give “advice” because it’s what they want, but you know, if young people listened more often, they would be able to determine the difference between good and bad advice, and that’s a handy skill when you are in your twenties, but because you’ve spent so much time not listening to your parents etc, you don’t have that skill in your twenties so you waste time, opportunity or money and make mistakes that you could have avoided. Somewhere in your thirties you start getting the feeling that things are coming together… why? Because you have learnt some hard lessons, maybe have a failed relationship or many, a child or two, debt, people who don’t talk to you or you to them, and there’s a mountain of hassles to deal with. And then you turn forty and it’s all clear. Wisdom does come with age and experience!

The conclusion of our conversation this morning was that rebellion in youth is wasted, just listen to your parents, teachers, lecturers, grandparents or whomever is trying to give you some helpful advice – it’s given because someone cares or because they have been through the same lesson and want to save you time/heartache/money/whatever for whatever reason.

The conclusion to this blog is:

• If you’re a kid, listen!
• If you’re an adult, give good honest advice!

I found an article some time ago written by Ron Ferguson in which he questions the value of a workaholic approach to life. He writes:

“Here’s a tale worth thinking about – especially if you don’t have much time in your busy schedule for thinking. Is it a true story? Make your mind up. Here goes.

An American businessman looked at a Mexican fisherman’s catch and asked how long it had taken. The Mexican indicated that it had only taken a short time. The curious businessman asked him why he didn’t spend longer to catch even more fish. The answer was that he had enough to support his family.

Even more curious, the American asked the man what he did with the rest of his time. Read the rest of this entry »

Not asking questions for Fear of Sounding Stupid….

This is taken from yet another favourite book, Nice Girls don’t get the Corner Office by Lois P Frankel and although it may not be viewed as strictly motivational, I think that learning to handle certain situations is motivation itself.

“How many times do we have to be told, “There are no stupid questions”, before we believe it? The problem is that we’ve come to reply on the old adage, “It’s better to keep your mind shut and look like an old fool than to open your mouth and confirm it.” Well, I disagree. There are so ways in which women remain silent that we don’t need to find any more. Asking a legitimate question (as opposed to making a statement couched as a question, which I’ll talk about later) to ensure understanding is a sign more of confidence than of ignorance. If nearly three decades of working inside corporations has taught me anything, it’s that if I don’t understand something, most likely no one else does, either.

Women sometimes don’t ask questions because they don’t want to waste the group’s time. Asking yourself the simple question, “will the answer apply only to me” should help you decide whether you should ask it. If the answer is yes, and you know you will have the chance to ask it following the meeting, then wait to ask your question off-line. If the answer is no or you know you won’t have the opportunity to ask again (the participants won’t get together again or the speaker won’t be available) then ask away. Do, however, be sensitive to the needs of the other participants in the meeting. If you have already asked several questions and you notice people getting fidgety or the meeting is running late, consider how critical it is that you get the answer just then.

Coaching Tips:

• If you don’t get it, ask. It’s far better than going off in the wrong direction.
• Observe people in meetings and you’ll notice when others are confused or not understanding the messages. Use this as an opportunity to help the group by saying something like, “I can tell by the looks on people’s faces that it’s not quite clear. Can you give us some examples or state it in other words?”
• Trust your instincts. If it doesn’t seem clear, it’s probably not.
• Use simple paraphrases as a way of gaining clarification. For example, “Do I understand you correctly that we’re being six months to complete phase one, three months to complete phase two and sox months to complete phase three? If you’re wrong, you’ll be told so, if not, you’ve gotten the information you need.
• If people make you feel stupid over a question you’ve asked, you can assume it’s their problem, not yours. If they do it consistently, ask them point blank why they feel the need to put you down just because you’ve been asked a question.

As these posts are called Monday Motivation, I thought I’d write a little about becoming motivated.

If you want to make things happen the ability to motivate yourself and others is a crucial skill. At work, home and everywhere in between, people use motivation to get results. Motivation requires a delicate balance of communication, structure, and incentives.

So how do you obtain and, more importantly, maintain that delicate balance? Read the rest of this entry »

Jesse Owens, athlete and Olympic champion in 1936 once said “One chance is all you need.”

I agree with that statement but have to ask the question – how many of us really see that chance and are prepared to accept it even if we do recognise our chance.

Being afraid of the unknown is a normal reaction. We need to learn to over-come the reaction in a positive and constructive way. I think that the way to do this is to understand what the chance is and what its impact will be. Think through the various scenarios so that you know how you will react to the outcome or alternative outcome/s. Think about what you are capable of and be prepared to work harder if need be. Be flexible and ready to revise your actions or approach if need be.

Count your Blessings.

This is such a cliché but there will always be people who have more than you. People with more of anything and everything – things that you don’t have or things you have but think that you don’t. Get over it and give up comparing yourself to others.

Instead, be grateful (count those blessings – make a list if you don’t think you have any blessings), be thankful and above all, be happy.

Stress, a familiar word, sometimes a good word, but more often than not, a word that many of us don’t like and don’t want in our Personal Vocabulary. Whatever you feel about the word, there are side-effects that are not pleasant, are unhealthy and occasionally, look really bad. A stressful life style can often be seen in physical manifestations such as nail chewing, obesity, sore muscles, bad skin, etc, but the emotional toll of conditions such as depression is not often seen, the effect of your stress on your family and friends is very rarely identified.

Most of us have read something about how to reduce stress or how to manage stress better. I thought though that I would remind you of some of the familiar methods, and my interpretation of these various stress-reduction methods:

1.  Meditation. This is not just about the regualr practice of meditation and it’s benefits, but it is about using the quietness of inactivity to allow you time to re-balance your thoughts and replenish your emotions.

Allow yourself to be bored, stare out of the window for a little while and don’t think of anything, watch the clouds drift by – quite simply, waste a little time without feeling guilty. I think that sometimes we feel pressured to fill up our time and because we have so much technology at our fingertips, we can very easily fill up our time with things that keeps us constantly stimulated. The idea here is to compose your mind so that you can calmly and rationally approach your life.

 2.  Movement. This is not just the hard-core activity of exercise. Try:

• Walk wherever you can,
• Do some of your own housework,
• Wash your car regularly,
• Go to a dance or painting class – do something that makes you move.

 Note: Exercise and movement reduces the stress hormone (cortisol) while at the same time, it increases the body’s natural feel good chemical (endorphins). This is why exercise is considered a natural way to decrease stress while at the same time increasing positive emotions.

 3.  Breathe. This is both a physical and a mental activity: Read the rest of this entry »

Yet another favourite book of mine, The Little Book of Luck by Richard Wiseman (Author of The Luck Factor), talks about being constructive and says that “Lucky people approach the problems in their lives in constructive ways”.

He says that lucky people think problems through which means that they find new and creative ways of tackling the bad luck that has happened.

Wiseman lists the following top tips for being constructive:

• Take control of the situation
• Think though as many different options as possible
• Decide on how you are going to move forward
• Most important of all, start to solve the problem

Give up fixating on the problem and do what lucky people do – concentrate on taking control and finding a solution.”